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Joke of the Day

"There was no Mrs. Noah & the ark was lonely, thus explaining the evolutionary mishaps you'll find at Walmart."

"Text: ARE YOU ALIVE? Me: Why?"

"Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could hit 8 colleagues at once."

"How many? How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but I have no idea how they got in there."

"Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes... That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away AND have his shoes!"

"How do you tell the difference between a Sunni and a Shiite Muslim? The Sunni's are the ones with the Shiite blown out of them."

"CAMPING TIP: If you get lost in the woods, a compass can help you get lost more north."

"Miss Universe pageant will be awesome when the sluts from other planets finally decide to show up."

"When I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof.... I was shocked"

"""This is not working out."" -My trainer, watching me work out"