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Joke of the Day

"My wife treats me like a God Every evening at dinner I get a burnt offering."

"Getting sick of seeing dogs that are not falling in love or at least sharing spaghetti."

"Three guys are drinking methanol. ""Quickly, let's finish the bottle, it's getting dark already,"" one of them observes."

"Always get double toppings on take out pizza so you can eat one of the toppings off as an appetizer during your drive home."

"It's Christmas and I'm alone (again), Reddit. Tell me something funny Well, I have my dog at least. Fire some shit away!"

"Me: your freezer went out I had to eat all the ice cream sandwiches Friend: it looks like someone kicked the outlet back into the drywall"

"I met this wonderful girl who thinks small penis isn't an obstacle for a good relationship. Now I just have to get used to that she has one."

"What do you call a huge pile of cats? A Meowntain"

"Keep your friends close and your fat friends closer, because snacks."

"I just saw this advert and the lady said allergies cause you to avoid the things you love. That explains why I never get laid."