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Joke of the Day

"Dog Morpheus: Ok, Dog Neo. You take the grey pill, you wake up in your kennel. But if you take the GREY pill - I will show you the Matrix."

"Hey couples on Facebook that share an account, so which one of you got caught having an affair?"

"Chuck Norris doesn't say ""who's your daddy"", because he knows the answer."

"German restaurant joke.... I went to a German restaurant and ordered an omelette....I just got a plate with two dots on it....."

"What's a feminist's favorite rapper? Feminem"

"Q: Why are elephants gray? A: So you don't get them confused with blueberries."

"[finding a secret passage in my NYC-apartment that leads to a corpse-filled torture dungeon] HOLY SHIT LOOK AT ALL THIS EXTRA SPACE I HAVE!"

"- 911, what's your emergency? - My nephew just swallowed a lighter! - What's your address? - Never mind, I found some matches."

"OUT OF ALL THE BIKES ON THIS BIKE RACK, THIS ONE'S SEAT DEFINITELY SMELLS THE WORST."

"When a black guy pulls a knife on me on the subway I remind him he doesn't have to feed into racial stereotypes. Then I usually get stabbed."