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Joke of the Day

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you've got 5 more rounds in the chamber. You'll get that moon eventually. He'll pay for what he did."

"Just saw The Imitation Game & it was FILLED with historical inaccuracies about World War II. They don't even mention Captain America at all."

"I'm sorry I'm late. I saw a drawing of the sun wearing sunglasses and spent 4 hours wondering what the f**k he was protecting his eyes from."

"When my kids are bad I take them out to the woodshed and tell them a bunch of boring stories about the people at my work"

"Q. What's the difference between 'weather' and 'climate'? A. You can 't 'weather' a tree but you can 'climate'!"

"Are guys smarter before, during, or after sex with a woman? During, you're plugged into a know-it-all."

"What's the difference between an 8-ball and a baby? Eric Clapton would never let an 8-ball fall out the window!"

"My wife said: Pls go to shop & buy a carton of Milk & if they have eggs, get six. I came back with Six cartons of Milk & told they had eggs."

"I want to cover you in expensive things like gasoline."

"What did Brad Pitt in Seven and Harvey Weinstein in real life both get? Gwyneth Paltrow's head."