223137

Joke of the Day

"German restaurant joke.... I went to a German restaurant and ordered an omelette....I just got a plate with two dots on it....."

"When I die I want to go quietly, in my sleep, like my grandfather did. Not screaming and freaked out, like his passengers were."

"Where does the zombie president live? In the wight house."

"Yeah, I guess you could say I ""rescued"" my dog. I did stop him right before he was gonna start his own podcast"

"Jurassic Park III on AMC. 10 min. in, 2 young scientists studying dinosaur fossils. FOSSILS. Hey, 'member how THERE ARE ALIVE DINOSAURS NOW?"

"A White Guy. If a white guy is surrounded by 3 black guys, he's getting robbed. 30 black guys, he's a football coach. 300 black guys he's a prison guard."

"Pumpkin Cider? I hardly know her!"

"My manager at the millinery has a really short temper I mean he gets really angry at the drop of a hat!"

"Girlfriend Detective Girlfriend: ""I'm sick of you pretending you're a detective. I think we should split up."" Me: ""Good idea. We can cover more ground that way."""

"Im absolutely exhausted, would you believe I have spent all week road testing penny farthings..... My feet haven't touched the ground."