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Joke of the Day

"- 911, what's your emergency? - My nephew just swallowed a lighter! - What's your address? - Never mind, I found some matches."

"Engineer Manager joke Why couldn't the Engineer Manager screw his wife? ""Sorry I don't have the tools, I only supervise."""

"Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded? A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention."

"For my SysAdmins and DBA's: Why did Hitler secretly want to work on MySQL? .. just so he could rewrite my.cnf"

"Marriage: Betting someone half your shit that you'll love them forever."

"So I went to the pool... I looked at the rules and the first rule was ""The pool is not a restroom"" And I just thought to myself ""No shit"""

"The first 2 slices of pizza cure depression and the last 14 bring it right back."

"""Ninja please"" -Japanese people"

"What has a ring but no fingers? The former owner of a Note 7"

"There is a Mexican, a black person, a muslim, and a gipsy in a car. Who drives it? The officer."