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Joke of the Day

"If I'm ever in an accident while driving and tweeting and you're the first person to arrive on the scene, grab my phone and press ""Send."""

"Why do hunters make better lovers? - They penetrate deep into the bush... - They shoot at least twice... - They eat what they shoot..."

"Lost three toes in a wood-chopping accident and my girlfriend dumped me Said she's lack-toes intolerant"

"My dad says he hates surprises... So I wrapped all his Christmas presents in cellophane."

"How does a Mexican keep warm ? They use chicken for heaters"

"Why did the tomato blush? It saw the salad dressing"

"Which number confuses people? 82"

"I overheard a midget complaining to a police officer that his pocket had been picked. The officer said 'I can't believe anyone would stoop that low'"

"Why is sex like a bridge game? You don't need a partner if you have a good hand."

"How many vegetables should you pull out of the ground in one day? None"