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Joke of the Day

"If I'm ever in an accident while driving and tweeting and you're the first person to arrive on the scene, grab my phone and press ""Send."""

"What do Batman films and religious farms have in common? They may have a Christian Bale in them."

"What's the difference between a chef and a gay guy? A chef doesn't stir yesterday's food."

"There's a moron in every office. They usually get paid more than you."

"What does Fetty Wap buy when he goes to Walmart? 7 tees, 30 eggs"

"Free Palestine! With purchase of equal or greater value."

"The only thing that would prevent my wife from going to Pilates class would be if they invented a more expensive form of exercise."

"How many Sayians does it take to change a light bulb? One. But it'll take 3 episodes, and Krillin dies."

"You call it laziness', I call it laziness' too because I don't feel like coming up with an alternate excuse."

"Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers.. If you do find one... What's your plan?"