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Joke of the Day

"Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers.. If you do find one... What's your plan?"

"Note to self: Remove dog before stabbing box to make air-holes."

"Life is basically trying to meet better people than the ones you currently know."

"ME: So are you gonna put it in me or what NURSE: Sir it's a blood draw please stop saying that"

"Damn girl I like the way you constantly change your profile pic to the one good picture of you from 2008."

"Mario's brother died... But he was still able to contact him through a Luigi board."

"Q: What happens when a Polak doesn't pay his garbage bill? A: They stop delivering."

"What do you call it when a Greek handicap falls over? Olympus has fallen."

"An 8 yr old boy was screaming at the grocery store because his mom wouldn't buy him a Mars bar. So I bought one and ate it in front of him."

"Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster? So we can think about a solution in silence."