77371

Joke of the Day

"Free Palestine! With purchase of equal or greater value."

"I wish i could Google anything. I'd type: ""where da fuck iz my phone?"" and it'd be like: ""in da fridge dumbass."""

"I remember that one time, before Twitter, when I went outside and did shit."

"I slashed my Postal Delivery Driver's tires today I wanted to be sure *all* of my last minute packages had flat rate shipping."

"A boy asks his mom, ""Why am I black and you're white?"" She says, ""Don't even go there. The way that party went, you're lucky you don't bark"""

"My bathtub is just like me. Shallow and not quite long enough."

"If a man strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other. Then, having shown yourself impregnable to cheek attack, beat the crap out of him."

"Are you British Explorer James Cook? Cuz I wanna turn yo land down under into a penal colony."

"Accidental Seafood I tried dolphin once...but not on porpoise."

"What do you call a sketchy Italian neighborhood? A spaghetto"