58082

Joke of the Day

"Owning a selfie stick is a good way to tell people that you've driven all of your friends away with your narcissism."

"My dad worked on a car assembly line for 40 years. He retired years ago but still struggles with post pneumatic press disorder."

"What kind of meat does the Pope eat? Nun"

"How does moses make his tea? Hebrews it"

"You know that pestering someone because the don't watch the same TV shows as you isn't a personality, right?"

"Saw a guy masturbating on the bus today... Where does he get off?!? (credit to Hampton Yount)"

"My wife said we each needed to make sacrifices to make our relationship work. She was less than impressed with the dead goat I left in our kitchen."

"What a tense, tense day 4/19 was. Maybe tomorrow, somehow, will be a little mellower."

"A One Liner Tried to catch some fog yesterday.....but I mist."

"You always know when your girlfriend is too young for you, when you have to make the aeroplane noise when you stick your d*ck in her mouth!"