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Joke of the Day

"My wife said we each needed to make sacrifices to make our relationship work. She was less than impressed with the dead goat I left in our kitchen."

"Why did the sausage beat his kids? For being little brats."

"Which dog can tell time? A watchdog."

"I went to the doctor and he said ""don't eat anything fatty."" I asked "" no bacon? No burgers?!"" To which he replied ""No fatty, just don't eat anything! """

"On Jeopardy This is the largest mammal in the animal kingdom. *leans into mic* ""Who is, your mother?"""

"My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class wank him off. I said "" son thats 3 schools this year, maybe teaching isn't for you"""

"Anyone else notice how Barney the Dinosaur is basically a T-rex & parents had no qualms about leaving their children with an apex predator?"

"I started 2016 with a goal to lose 20 pounds Only 30 more to go and I'm there!"

"I just raced a Smart car. He barely beat me, but that's only cuz I stopped to tie my shoe."

"My parents always taught me to pursue my dreams. That's why I take so many naps."