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Joke of the Day

"INVENTOR OF SOUP: [holding water in one hand and sandwich in the other] wat if... wat if water was mor like sandwich"

"My least favorite racist joke Donald Trump"

"I feel creepy every time I 'follow' someone. Where are they going to take me? I hope its somewhere good"

"Did you hear about the cow that tried to hurdle a barbed wire fence? It was an udder disaster."

"Ghosts... I didn't believe in ghosts until this one night, it was like 3 am, and I decided to start believing in ghosts."

"When the pilot says, ""This is your captain speaking,"" I like to brush the hair from his eyes and whisper, ""This is your passenger listening"""

"I call my kettle Jim Carey, because it brews-all-my-tea."

"Brings donuts to work because if I can't be skinny neither can you."

"A cubical is a great place to reflect on all the bad decisions you've made in your life"

"I heard Donald Trump has read a lot of different books.. ..Apparently for the most part he never made it past Chapter 11."