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Joke of the Day

"For the first time in forever, I used the term ""oopsie-daisy"". Couldnt be avoided. I mean what else do you say when you drop someone's baby?"

"How many rocks did Hank Schrader have in his collection by the end of Breaking Bad? None, they were all minerals."

"For girls who said all guys are assholes Who told you do try them all?"

"Did you hear that HIV isn't spread by a virus? Yeah, it's spread by a fun guy"

"I had a few jokes about unemployed people... But none of them work"

"[reading book report] ME: Beyowulf is the story of a guy that turns into an wolf when he hears Beyonce TEACHER: Wrong. ME: Well, I tried."

"Why couldn't Princess Leia find love? She was looking in Alderaan places."

"Wife: oh honey, I didn't marry for money, the guy I fell in love with had an easy smile, a sparkling laugh & big dreams. then I met you."

"You can't put a price on slippery lemons."

"Did you hear about the farmer who did geometry? He was pro - tractor"