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Joke of the Day

"How long does it take To microwave a baby? I'm too busy jerking of to watch a timer."

"Two mental health counselors happen to meet each other at the mall... *""You seem fine!""*, says one to the other, *""How am I?""*"

"What do you call an Elf that sings? A wrapper! Merry Christmas. I hope you got what you wished for. ( )"

"A guy asked my girlfriend ""Who would win a fight between a taco and a hotdog?"" ... so I punched him in the head."

"why Ed doesn't have a girlfriend? Cause sheeran."

"Misery loves company. Company: ""I have a boyfriend."""

"What gets wet as it dries? Texas after a drought."

"How do you keep an idiot busy for 3500 years? Give them a bible"

"Who satisfies earth the most? Sun. Because the sun goes down every night."

"[court] LAWYER: Did u kill him? ME: No L: You know what the punishment is for committing perjury? ME [lips on the mic] Much less than murder"