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Joke of the Day

"What do you call an Elf that sings? A wrapper! Merry Christmas. I hope you got what you wished for. ( )"

"I know Greenwich has a mean time, But do they have a happy hour?"

"a newly elected governor trying to teach his kid how to spell assassination one ASS behind another ASS, behind that I and behind me the whole NATION"

"Watching the Olympics. Me: HOLY SHIT THAT WAS AMAZING! GOLD MEDAL! Announcer: Ohhh! Not a good performance, those scores will not be pretty."

"So I heard Tiger Woods changed his name.. To Cheetah"

"I always get teary when I become intimate with a girl, Any idea how to deal with pepper spray?"

"A woman just asked me to ""unpark her car"" and now I'm searching urban dictionary to see what I really just agreed to do"

"How are that many Republicans candidates supposed to debate each other at once? Throw a dollar bill in the floor and let the last one alive run for president."

"I only eat beef raised on marijuana... I like it when the steaks are high."

"[Jesus goes over the bill at the last supper] ""Why would-[closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose]-Why would anyone order wine?"""