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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I wonder how shit life would be if electricity was never invented. I mean it would be terrible having to watch TV by candlelight."

"Russian Standard is a vodka and American Standard is a toilet. Russians are all drunks and Americans are all full of shit."

"Chuck Norris once went through the Wendy's drive thru and ordered a Big Mac .......and got one."

"A day without sunshine is like, well, night."

"Want to hear something clean? I took a bath with bubbles. Want to hear something dirty? Bubbles is my neighbor."

"If the meal between breakfast and lunch is called brunch and the meal between lunch and dinner is called linner, what's the meal between breakfast and dinner called? Lunch"

"Protein in my laundry If you captured it all you'd be able to fuel a Chi Psi chapter right before a lacrosse tournament."

"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards... I got a full house and four people died."

"My wife told me she'll leave me if I go blind. I guess I'll just have to see."

"Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone"