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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I wonder how shit life would be if electricity was never invented. I mean it would be terrible having to watch TV by candlelight."

"Did you hear about the scarecrow that got promoted? He was outstanding in his field..."

"Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic."

"Why did Sally fall of off the swing.... Because she didn't have any arms. Knock knock Who's there? Not Sally."

"Women, If you could just go ahead, get a plane & spell it out in the sky for us, that'd be greeeat. Sincerely, Men"

"What's the difference between your mother and a Mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck... I forget the rest but your mother's a whore"

"I just burned 2000 calories... That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap!!!"

"What kind of music does a factory worker listen to? Industrial Metal"

"Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton are on a boat that is sinking, who survives? America."

"My wife is actually mad at me for being so excited to see her mother tonight.... The viewing is at 7pm."