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Joke of the Day

"I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards... I got a full house and four people died."

"When people say ""You can fit a million earths in the sun!!!"" I'm like: Hey. Maybe we shouldnt put any earths in the sun. The sun is hot."

"Hey girl are you from Tennessee? Because you look like your parents are related."

"Driving down the highway and on the side of the road I see a preist fucking a goat! I yell out 'hey, wrong kid!'"

"What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who runs out of protein? No Whey Jose."

"I spent $500 on that Harvard application, damn right I framed the rejection letter."

"[mastercard commercial] ""there are some things that money can't buy"" politician: i don't get it"

"On a scale of 1 to Osama... How good was the hiding spot?"

"What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? You can't hear the enzyme"

"""Jimmy, why did you bring your cat to school?"" ""Because my dad said 'When Jimmy leaves for school, that pussy is getting smashed!"" Kind of a lame post, but it's my first on the joke thread :/"