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Joke of the Day

"what did Putin say to Ukraine? Crimea river."

"You have the right to remain silent because whatever you say will probably be stupid anyway."

"Why did the the acrophobe pothead start screaming? She's afraid of heights."

"[lunch break] Gf: I have 30min Me: you thinking what im thinking? Gf: oh yea *starts undressing Me: *googles closest laser tag location"

"Look at this fly rubbing his hands together, what is he up to?"

"A man is walking around a costume party dressed in green with a woman on his shoulder When asked what he was he said he was a tortoise. Then when asked about the woman he replied ""she's Michelle""."

"Guys are probably not very good at Yoga, mainly because every move for them would be called "" The uncomfortable Sausage"""

"How to get laid: WALK RIGHT UP TO HER & just get to know her over time until u build mutual affection & the trust to enjoy each other naked"

"Got excited because I found $20 in the laundry. Then I remembered my kids don't have jobs and the money was probably mine."

"Being the President is seriously stressful. Kennedy lost his mind!"