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Joke of the Day

"Got excited because I found $20 in the laundry. Then I remembered my kids don't have jobs and the money was probably mine."

"My wife set a limit on how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's $100 on me and $500 on her."

"""Of course you can trust me. Look, I'll prove it. Close your eyes and fall backwards. I'll catch you."" *Bing! Twitter notification!* Thud."

"Pretty sure I know what my wife's getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, ""A 3-way?"" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise."

"A News Reporter just described someone as ""Healthy as a Bus"". Yeah....I don't know either."

"Did you hear about the circus fire? It was in tents."

"Image sharing sites before E3 are just like a toy vegetable stand Full of fake leeks"

"Two avocados were crossing the road... .. One got hit by a truck so the other one said: Come on, guacamole, catch up!"

"What do ping pong players and my dominatrix have in common? They both like to paddle little, white balls."

"""Hashtag."" #ReplaceAOneWordMovieTitleWithTheWordHashtag"