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Joke of the Day

"him: [slipping my panties off] why are u wearing 2 pairs of panties me: I'm not him: [sliding another pair off] omg how many are u wearing"

"What do dads say when they see someone peeing? European."

"What do they do in West Virginia for Halloween? Pump Kin"

"What did the army recruiter say to the gay wizard? ""Don't ask don't spell."""

"A spider just tried to crawl across my hand and now how do you extract a fork from bone without causing more damage?"

"I bet my butcher $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He said ""No, the steaks are too high""."

"Q: Older Brother: ""Hooray! School's out! I'm free! I'm free!"" A: Younger Brother: ""So what? I'm four!"""

"What goes in big and hard and comes out soft and soggy? Bubble gum."

"I've been on reddit so much I'm gravely ill now... I think I caught a computer virus."

"You know that feeling of shame, when you put it in the wrong hole? You wonder why it doesn't fit, and when you look down you just get sad. I'm talking about belts, of course. What did you think!?"