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Joke of the Day

"You know that feeling of shame, when you put it in the wrong hole? You wonder why it doesn't fit, and when you look down you just get sad. I'm talking about belts, of course. What did you think!?"

"Red light special: that smug look that you give the driver who was speeding and cut you off then ended up beside you at the red light."

"I don't care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around."

"What's the difference between OP and a brick? A brick gets laid!"

"what does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back **FOUR SECONDS**!"

"I wanted to propose to her. I wanted to propose her.I gave her a ring.What the heck,she won't pick up the phone."

"My son asked me why girls pee sitting down. I told them they're lazy."

"How did Harry Potter get down the hill? Walking. JK. Rolling"

"Have you guys ever seen any of my exes? Exactly."

"What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves. Just kidding. He hasn't opened it yet."