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Joke of the Day

"What did the dejected man say to the considerate calculator trying to console him? It's the bot that counts."

"What are the odds of an anorexic girl joining the clergy? Slim to nun."

"WHY DID THE HIPPOPOTAMUS NEED HIS VENTILIN? BECAUSE HE WAS HIPPOVENTILATING!"

"""Ah, Mr Bond, I-"" *closes laptop lid and pulls up trousers* ""-wasn't expecting you."""

"Wife: I think we need a break. *Titanic crashes into iceberg* Husband: THAT WHAT YOU WANTED? Wife: Yes."

"What is a homophobe's favorite fruit? Cant-elope."

"My therapist claims I'm a narcissist, but what does he know? Clearly not as much as me."

"What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a Disney movie? Disney movies can still touch little kids."

"I have a fantasy that a big strong man shows up at my door, comes in unannounced & slowly, quietly & methodically renovates my bathroom"

" Metric dollar."