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Joke of the Day

"I have a fantasy that a big strong man shows up at my door, comes in unannounced & slowly, quietly & methodically renovates my bathroom"

"Brushed the fur off my couch and made another cat."

"If you hate us so much, stop using our Internet"

"I thought I found my soul mate for a minute there, but he was just a pervert on the internet. *runs after him"

"(i crack an egg; it falls under the pan) i prefer a firm yolk (i accidentally drop my phone in the toilet) phones make us communicate less"

"Just been sent to jail for the first time and spent the first half hour getting ass raped. My Uncle Frank takes Monopoly far too seriously"

"Did you know NASA 30 years ago made a new space drink? Ocean Spray - It was their second choice because they couldn't get 7-UP."

"(Xpost Antijokes) Check yourself before you wreck yourself... ...with dick cancer. Happy Movember. http://us.movember.com/mens-health/"

"Two peanuts walk into a really rough bar Unfortunately, one was a salted"

"Why do pandas have black eyes? SHE FELL, DAMNIT! God! What is with all the fucking questions?"