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Joke of the Day

"Expected delivery while I was out so left courier a note saying ""Please leave with neighbour"". I've just seen them heading off together."

"A kid asks his Dad ""what does 'gay' mean?"" The father says ""It means 'to be happy."" The son asks ""Are you [gay!](http://www.afterfeed.com/)?"" The father says ""No, son. I have a wife."""

"What's a Polygon? A dead parrot."

"I went to a Mechanic when my car started making these awful noises but it just turned out to be Nickelback playing on the radio."

"I used to be an adventurer until I took a knee to the arrow"

"Why couldn't the police solve the case of the flat car battery? They had no leads."

"What is Putin's favorite Justin Timberlake song? Crimea River..."

"Sorry I used your baby's bald head as a lipstick blotter."

"I'm surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I've dropped my phone."

"Students, unfollow me now. Tonight's drunk subtweets might sting a little. Especially you Britney. Your lab report was a pile of dog shit."