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Joke of the Day

"Get a dog from the shelter for your kids and you're a hero but get a hobo from the shelter to babysit your kids and everyone gets all upset"

"5yo: What's a cannibal? Me: A person that eats another person. 5yo's eyes widen in horror. Me: You said cannonball, didn't ya?"

"[police car behind me] Me: shit, was that a red light back there? My dog: like a grey Me: ... My dog: like a light grey. If that helps"

"My waiter asked, ""would you like sour cream, bacon and chives on your potato?"" ""That's a loaded question."""

"What do you get when you ask a proctologist for a second opinion? Two fingers."

"Sex is like Indian food It can taste good, but also rupture your anus."

"Dear spouse: When I said I needed more physical contact, I was not aiming for you to high five me whenever I walk by..."

"How does a gay religious terrorist spend his vacation in Cuba? Infidel Castro"

"Q: Why was the young bear so spoiled? A: Because his mother ""panda'd"" to his every whim!"

"A man walks into a bar And he orders 4 shots. Man: Have you heard the Joke that all insolvents know? Bartender: (amused) No. Man: Good. Then you can pay for my drinks."