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Joke of the Day

"I'm surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I've dropped my phone."

"I was walking in the desert and saw a redwood tree. I knew this must be a mirage, so I ran into it. To my dismay, the tree and I collided. I guess it must have been an obstacle illusion."

"anything is possible with the right attitude and a sledgehammer"

"I look in a mirror and wonder what became of the eager, wide-eyed boy with the world in front of him, then figure by the size of me I ate him."

"pull a prank on your boss by not showing up to work ever again, instant classic"

"A sheep, a drum, and a snake all fall off a cliff... Ba-dumm-tss"

"I met this lovely girl who's an amputee; lost her arms...She's a joy to be around, but... I just can't ask for her hand in marriage"

"""dont get conned into spendin our lottery money"" i wont [calls wife back] will 2 sharks fit in our pool? ""NO"" ok [to salesman] one shark pls"

"How many Estonians you need to build a house in Finland ? Who knows, there is no tax record of it."

"Nothing beats a pretty girl with a beautiful singing voice except for Chris Brown"