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Joke of the Day

"What is Putin's favorite Justin Timberlake song? Crimea River..."

"Hipsters burn their lips when they drink coffee Because they drink it before it's cool."

"My anchor tattoo is so realistic I can't get out of the bathtub."

"Why'd the scarecrow get promoted? He was outstanding in his field."

"I don't ""take"" weed because weed ""took"" my best friend & trapeze partner Corton from me when we were 17. #ImissYouBrother #SwingWithJesus"

"What is a terrorists favourite food? Anything Allah-cart. I found it funny. I was exploding with laughter."

"I went to the Zoo today, only animal there was a dog... It was a Shih Tzu"

"I asked my wife if she was a contortionist... And she got totally bent out of shape."

"I DIDN'T SAFELY EJECT MY FLASH DRIVE AND NOW MY DOG IS DEAD"

"Where are the cleanest bathrooms on college campuses? The women's bathrooms in the engineering building. Credit to /u/The_Messiah"