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Joke of the Day

"Kinda wanna eat a jar of peanut butter, kinda wanna nap, kinda wanna punch a stranger. Being a woman is hard."

"My girlfriend's reason for leaving me was because she still hadn't found what she was looking for I replied with ""oh, U2"""

"I'm gonna pretend my dad didn't abandon me but is actually on the missing Malaysia air flight and he'll be back"

"How does the astronaut cut his hair? Eclipse"

"Ancient people: turned grapes into wine, agave into tequila, and sugar cane into rum. Modern people: turn soy, rice, or almonds into milk."

"How are women like rocks? You skip the flat ones."

"I hate it when people make eye puns... It really makes me *lash* out sometimes"

"Professor: Today's exam is written. Next week we will do oral Class in unison: I HAVE A BOYFRIEND"

"One of the funniest vampire jokes ever! Never mind, it sucks."

"I'm considering going vegan because the steaks are too high"