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Joke of the Day

"I'm gonna pretend my dad didn't abandon me but is actually on the missing Malaysia air flight and he'll be back"

"Why did the cab driver get a divorce? Because he had a fare."

"Barney Stinson ask god ""God,why do you make woman so beautiful?"" ""So you'll love her"" God reply. ""Then why do you make them so dumb?"" ""So they'll love you"", *Ba dum tss*"

"When I die I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa... ... not screaming in terror like his passengers."

"How can you tell the Ethiopian diplomat at a political function? He's the one with the gold Rolex around his neck."

"What happens when you don't pay your exorcist? ... You get repossessed."

"Man I ran so fast from the Italian lesbian, but the dichotomy."

"2 fish. there are 2 fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says, ""How the fuck do you drive this thing?"""

"*Magneto flapping his wrist frantically, trying to shake loose a fork stuck to his hand*"

"I memorize Presidential Candidate speeches And Hillary's is hardest to get down PAC"