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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by crashing my car The last thing that went through my mind was my anus"

"ME: ""I don't like this movie."" HIM: ""We are at a funeral."" ME: ""Who directed this?"" HIM: ""A bear attack."" ME: ""Never heard of him."""

"What did Mario tell his girlfriend when he broke up with her? ...It's not a you, it's a me, Mario!"

"In America Martin Luther King only gets one day.... And sharks get a whole week. It's probably because they are great whites."

"I have my entire Valentine's day planned with my toaster! Okay, so first, we're going to take a bath."

"What do you get when you mix chocolate milk and cocaine? Ovalsheen. Credit goes to my cousin on this one."

"What happened to Wendy from Wendy's? ""The Baconator"""

"I told a blonde joke She didn't get it."

"Did you hear about the cross-eyed carpenter? He *literally* can't even."

"Wives are like hurricanes They're wet and wild to begin with, but when they leave they take everything"