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Joke of the Day

"Next time you see someone you don't like, begin conversation with ""I see the assassins have failed."""

"What's musical and useful at the grocery store? A Chopin Liszt Note: taken from one of those horrible ""Joke of the Day"" desk calendars. It took almost 12 months to get something clever."

"I don't think Santa would be able to visit USA this year! After all, Donald Trump hates them with beards!"

"Why are Pokemon terrible to play hide and seek with? Because they pikachu"

"what the cell say to its sister cell when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis"

"Where do war generals make decisions? In a think tank"

"Remember the first time offender who was into bdsm? It made him late for an appointment. His excuse? He got tied up in court."

"I don't need to run a marathon to load up on carbs and ask someone to wrap me up in a blanket."

"Wake up, kids! Bees can't even read, much less spell. IT'S A SCAM!"

"Saw a girl with 12 nipples today. Sounds crazy, dozen tit?"