52014

Joke of the Day

"Him: What's your cup size? Me: Venti"

"Why did Johnny drop his ice cream? Because he got hit by a truck!"

"Why didn't 2x befriend x^2 ? He had trouble integrating"

"I'm devastated. My pet rat Elvis just died. He was caught in a trap"

"I ordered a coffee and the barista asked what size. I told her size didn't matter. We laughed. Then she gave me an extra large coffee."

"Why did the 3 men go in to the bar?.. To get drunk"

"WIFE: don't be weird at the party tonight ME: am i ever weird? [dinner party] CHERYL: how's the soup taste? ME: like the blood of my enemies"

"Son, who is that German guy who keeps hiding things in our house? Alzheimer, granpa."

"What was the last thing to go through Princess Diana's mind before she died. The windshield."

"Me: Wow, 5k followers Wife: Is your top tweet still something I said? Me: Ya Wife: Then aren't they really MY followers? Me: *drinks heavily"