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Joke of the Day

"I raised the alarm at work today... The midgets were furious."

"A police officer pulled me over and said ""Sir, please identify yourself"" So I took out a mirror and replied ""yeah, it's me"""

"From my not quite 3yr old cousin. Q:Why did the doggy cross the road? A:To get to the bone! Q:Why did the bone cross the road? A: To get away!"

"Being a sexist doesn't bother me at all. The only people that will call me a sexist are women and their opinion doesn't matter."

"Why should you never date someone with a lazy-eye...? Because you never know if they're seeing someone on the side."

"Next year for Halloween I think I will be a dead chrysanthemum.... Then when people ask ""WTF are you"", I will reply and say ""I am a chrysanthemummy!"""

"Some people are complaining about the Trump Presidency... But it's oKKK with me!"

"Did you know Auschwitz has the highest hotel rating? 1.1 million stars"

"Are you all right? No, you are all left!"

"How to sink a submarine with 10 blondes in it? You knock on the door."