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Joke of the Day

"Two whales walk into a bar. The first one says... ""Eoooooooohahhhhhmmmmmmmuuuuuuaaauuu..."" The second whale turns to the first and says. ""Frank what the fuck is wrong with you?"""

"I want to lose weight, but I don't want to get caught up in one of those ""Eat right and exercise"" scams."

"What are the magic words for making a spoiled asparagus edible? Impairagus Repairagus"

"My grandmother's stories always include the race of everyone involved"

"I just gave my new secretary a sexy dress for her first week's salary. Next week, I'm going to raise her salary."

"*at the gym* Trainor: Have a donut. Me: Wow! Sure! T: Here's some pizza. M: What kind of trainer are you? T: I'm a Megan Trainor."

"If you're pulled over, wait for the cop to lean down to your window, then use their vulnerability to give them a quick peck on the cheek"

"What do holiday parties and after school clubs have in common? They both feature Chess nuts!"

"You don't get many homeless gay men, which is a shame because they would be fucking bums."

"Accidentally got two shots of hand sanitizer so if you need me I'll be rubbing my hands together for the rest of my life."