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Joke of the Day

"*at the gym* Trainor: Have a donut. Me: Wow! Sure! T: Here's some pizza. M: What kind of trainer are you? T: I'm a Megan Trainor."

"Why are Australians so well balanced? They have a chip on both shoulders."

"You know what's nuts? My balls!"

"What has two legs and bleeds? Half of your dog...I hit it with my car."

"Judge: You're out of order! Lawyer: This whole court room is out of order! *I burst in* Me: THE VENDING MACHINE IN THE LOBBY IS OUT OF ORDER"

"Interesting how alzheimer's makes people forget their own name; yet they always seem to remember that they're racist."

"Never iron a four leaf clover... You don't want to press your luck."

"Now I ain't sayin' she's a gold digger... But she did move to California in 1849"

"Turns out there isn't a single sexy explanation for having a fork in your bed."

"Several toilets were stolen last night. Police say they have nothing to go on."