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Joke of the Day

"Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch? A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides."

"I asked my coworker if I could see her tips. So that I could play with her nickels."

"During a routine physical the Doctor said, ""You've got to stop masturbating."" ""Why?"" asked the patient. ""Because I'm trying to give you a physical!"""

"Important Work Of 21st Century... The 21st century: Where Deleting history is more important than making it."

"Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don't like being that guy holding two purses."

"I like my shits like I like my Slavs Squatting."

"I hate being a prominent political figure. No-one wants to date a guy with aides."

"home alone: my favorite movie and also my hobby"

"NASA's JUNO Probe finally reached Jupiter after ~5 year journey exactly halfway to its journey to Uranus."

"So an anti-vaxxer tells me that vaccines cause autism. So I reply ""Oh, so you've gotten vaccinated, then?"" ~~Sorry if it's a terrible joke.~~ No regrets"