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Joke of the Day

"No, officer, I haven't been drinking; my toddler just needed to hand me everything from the back seat."

"5-year-old: I'm supposed to find out more about my hero for school. Me: Aw, you came to me. 5: Yeah. Can you tell me more about Batman?"

"What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? Porcupines have pricks on the OUTSIDE."

"How do you make holy water? you burn the hell out of it........"

"My girlfriend asked me who I've been having sex with because my penis was so sensitive...... My hand"

"I tried buy only some of the songs off of a Beatles album But the store owner said they all come together"

"How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?"

"Who wears a red suit and knows if you were naughty or nice? My boner, during my girlfriends period."

"What happens when the fog clears in California? UCLA"

"The list of Republican Presidential Candidates."