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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend asked me who I've been having sex with because my penis was so sensitive...... My hand"

"I saw a sign that said, watch for children. I thought to myself... Thats a fair trade. - Demetri Martin."

"If we can put a man on the moon, we can put a man with AIDS on the moon. And then someday, we can put everyone with AIDS on the moon."

"It's my wife birthday coming up and she keeps going on about how bad I am at buying presents. Well this year she's in for a rude awakening. I'm buying her a Tourettes alarm clock."

"Why was the headmaster worried? Because there were too many rulers in school!"

"Somebody needs to figure out how to deep fry a salad."

"My girlfriend started smoking... ...so I slowed down and applied lubricant."

"Q: What is a bus ? A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it."

"Whats red and smells like blue paint? Red paint."

"A pedophile, a necrophiliac, a pyromaniac, and a zoophile walk into a bar. The bartender says ""Get the fuck out."""