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Joke of the Day

"Anyone know how long we are supposed to ""Shake It Off""? Taylor never specified and frankly I'm exhausted!"

"Never had a gay thought in my life but when Daniel Craig jumps onto the back of the train & adjusts his cuff I now kind of get it."

"Why did the one eyed banker lose his job? He didn't have any debtperception."

"I tried hypnotizing my wife but *cluck* I think *cluck cluck* something went wrong is that *cluck cluck cluck* corn on the ground?"

"I went to a poltical one handed-people-demonstration ... and it was horrible, about 50% of them had no rights!"

"My husband: It'd be nice to have a wife who cooked dinner. Me: ooo!! Can we get one?"

"Women who say getting married was the best day of their life have obviously never had 2 Kitkats fall out of a vending machine by mistake."

"""Yeah I just really enjoy playing devil's avocado sometimes"" Teacher: devil's advocate? Me [grabbing trident and avocado costume]: no."

"where does a one legged waitress work? I-HOP"

"I shake my bottled water so the H's & O's are evenly distributed."