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Joke of the Day

"Never had a gay thought in my life but when Daniel Craig jumps onto the back of the train & adjusts his cuff I now kind of get it."

"Confucius say: go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger."

"My grandma still doesn't need glasses... My grandma is over 80 years old and still doesn't need glasses. She drinks straight from the bottle."

"Freeze a regular Snickers bar for the satisfying CRUNCH of all your front teeth breaking at once."

"What is the difference between an Eskimo and a eunuch? One is a frigid midget with a rigid digit, the other is a massive vassal with a passive tassel (found this in Horace's Satires)"

"When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally. Classic rook-y mistake."

"Q: Why is a man's pee yellow and his sperm white? A: So he can tell if he is coming or going."

"*swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* Wife: STOP TOUCHING MY FOREHEAD!"

"My dad was going out. He told me to watch the fire I said ""no thanks, I've seen it before"""

"Cows How does a farmer count cows? On a cowculater :D:D (ya its crap)"