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Joke of the Day

"I almost choken on food and the whole time it was happening I was just thinking ""What a cliche way for a fat person to die of"""

"So how about the BBC sacking Jeremy Clarkson ? I think the whole thing is a huge miss-steak."

"I don't remember 6th grade science being this hard. But then again, in 6th grade, I wasn't trying to do homework after 3 glasses of wine."

"My desires are unconfessional. No wait. Unconditional? Pumpkin sensual? I just had it. Undone sectionals? Unmoustachable? Stunned pistachio?"

"My girlfriend just broke up with me... ...it's all cool though, she said we could still remain cousins."

"Remove all the poles if you don't want me stripping, Mr. Bus Driver."

"My surgeon says I'm the easiest patient to work on. Because I'm gutless, spineless, and my brain and colon are interchangeable."

"I used to be passive aggressive but now I'm aggressively passive. Don't mess with me, idiot. I'll sit right here. I'll f*cking forgive you."

"Nice try, black horses not named ShaNeighNeigh."

"Dear Abby, I saw a questionable mole on this girl I like. How do I tell her without letting her know I hid a camera in her shower?"