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Joke of the Day

"DUMBLEDORE: Who's brought evil into Hogwarts? HARRY: I think it's Malfoy, professor! DARK MYSTERIOUS NEW TEACHER: Oh come on"

"I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption ""it's cold"" could you tell me more about that"

"My girlfriend's plastic fork broke while she was eating earlier.... ....Just a tine-y bit. (i was so proud of myself but no one else laughed as much as I did )"

"My ex wife still misses me... But her aim is getting better!"

"Yo mamma is so ugly... I don't understand your Oedipus complex."

"May god bless German engineering, Italian cooking, and English humor. And may god damn Italian engineering, English cooking, and German humor."

"Now that Gay Marriage is legal in all states I can finally get married as a solid, liquid, or gas."

"I often wonder if people at work can tell I'm using Tinder just by my hand motions... but then I realize they probably don't care WHY I'm masturbating."

"I'm going to open a restaraunt called pantera bread It will be similar to panera bread, but the food we serve will be much heavier"

"Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap 8 people at once."