149192

Joke of the Day

"Yo mamma is so ugly... I don't understand your Oedipus complex."

"To avoid looking at the glass as half empty or full, i drink straight from the bottle."

"Jared Fogle began and ended his career the same way... Trying to get into smaller pants"

"What's the difference between your mom and the Empire State Building? Not everyone's been up the Empire State Building"

"Still laughing about that time my grandmother said God told her to put my grandfather in an asylum because he was hearing voices in his head"

"How do you call a camel with 3 humps? With empathy, compassion, and honesty. Cancer is hard news, even for a camel."

"Why is it so hard to breakup with Japanese girls? You have to drop the bomb twice"

"Me: How was your first day of school? 5-year-old: Long. Me: I'm sure tomorrow will be better. 5-year-old: Wait, I have to go back?"

"If I were British I would carry around a monicle and drop it whenever I was horrified"

"It's really hard to be stealthy while carrying half a box of Tic Tacs. The more you know."