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Joke of the Day

"I like my tea like I like my women.... Plain, dark and bitter!"

"What's it called when you're anxious enough to be a Helicopter Mom, but really, really lazy? A Blimp Mom? Yeah, I'm that."

"I cried last night harder than I've ever cried before. I really should invest in a nose hair trimmer instead of plucking them."

"Mitt Romney has decided not to run for president. In other news, I have decided not to become a billionaire or play in the NBA."

"What do u call a Jew? Jewish"

"It's funny how Gina who cheated on me in 9th grade because I was ""too much of a prude"" is now a Catholic school teacher."

"My wife and I only smoke after sex; I've had the same pack since 2003. She's up to three packs a day. Rodney Dangerfield"

"I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy."

"ME: judging by this blood stain the murderer appears to have been a turkey ACTUAL POLICE OFFICER: That's a hand print"

"If Jennifer Lawrence was a poet, what would her name be? Maya Ingenue"