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Joke of the Day

"It's funny how Gina who cheated on me in 9th grade because I was ""too much of a prude"" is now a Catholic school teacher."

"did you hear Oxygen and Magnesium got together **OMg** All I knew, till last week Oxygen was dating Potassium But they said it was just **OK**"

"Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine"

"When someone says something was made with ""love"" what exactly does that mean? Did they jerk one off into the center of my cupcake?"

"An old lady at the gym told me her dad married her mom because she could catch chickens.... Pretty sure she had a pretty firm grip on something else too...."

"What do you call a dead baby hanging on a wall? Art"

"What's the difference between my 83-year old grandfather and /r/Jokes? My grandfather doesn't have Alzheimers"

"I heard a Sean Connery film once got am R rating Because he said ""sit"" too many times Edit: shit didn't proofread the title, *an* not *am*"

"Sorry, cancer kids. Our prayers are going elsewhere. RT @KimKardashian: So scared I'm not gonna make my flight to Australia! Pray I make it!"

"I was walking down the street with my wife and she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. ""That's total bollocks"" I replied, by text, from across the road."