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Joke of the Day

"I have emo shoes. They have tortured soles."

"Sunday and Monday stand back to back, spraying darkness in both directions."

"When the chips are down, be a good friend & say a few kind words to the chips. See if that helps."

"What's the difference. . What's the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick into a girls mouth."

"Maybe this is the vodka speaking, but Hi! I'm made from potatoes!"

"When you're down by the sea and an eel bites your knee That's a moray."

"Studys show that 76.5% of statistics are made up."

"Noun: Son of a b***h!"

"If Google ever goes down and stays down, I'm fucked. I know four facts and they're all about elephants and I already forgot three of them."

"[First date] Her: I'm really glad you asked me out yesterday in the park Me: *looking under table* you didn't bring your dog?"