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Joke of the Day

"What ""smart"" cars should say Instead of my car saying stupid things like "" your door is ajar "" , it should say helpful things like "" there's a cop hiding in the bushes """

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"Q:What is the population of Antarctica A: All white."
"A child was born with no eyelids, so doctors created some using his foreskin It worked okay, but he was a little cockeyed"
"What's the difference between a car tire and 365 blowjobs? One's a Goodyear... and one's a *great* year."
"Saw a vanity license plate that said ""ILUVLUV."" I hope she luvs getting 4 new tires and a windshield."
"What were those two people from VeggieTales? Oh yea, Barrackoli and Cucumberbatch."
"What's the best way to break up with your girlfriend? On the front page of reddit."
"The phrase ""you two deserve each other"" sounds like a compliment, but never is."
"We saw a patient in the emergency room today... He had fallen into an upholstering machine. It was touch and go for a while but...   ...he's fully recovered."
"Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant."