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Joke of the Day

"What is a common question at lizards' fast food joints? You want flies with that?"

"Two can dine... if we 69"

"Forgetting what you went into the kitchen to get is one thing but, it's darn scary when you can't remember why you went into the bathroom!"

"Based on how I startle when toast pops up, I will never look cool walking away from an explosion."

"TIFU: I was called in to teach 6th grade math but ended up teaching 8th grade english Sorry, wrong sub."

"I can tell we still live in a sexist society because... Doctors still make more money than nurses."

"Hendrik Lorentz walks into a bar... He sits down at the counter. The bartender asks ""Why the long face?"" Lorentz replies ""What do you expect? I'm barely moving"""

"My lesbian friend gave a me a Rolex for my birthday. I don't think she understood when I said: ""I wanna watch."""

"How does a Confederate flag and a rainbow flag differ? The latter represents people that win."

"Married life - Honey, are you jealous? - Nope! - Admit it, you're jealous! - I told you, I am not! - Then give me a kiss! - GO KISS THAT UGLY-ASS WHORE WHO LIKED YOUR FACEBOOK STATUS!"