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Joke of the Day

"My lesbian friend gave a me a Rolex for my birthday. I don't think she understood when I said: ""I wanna watch."""

"You know I'm glad there are women in the world... Otherwise life would be a pain in the ass."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the parking lot."

"I wish I felt as much passion for something as my dogs feel towards the doorbell."

"Mickey Mantle knew 2 things. Drinking, and how to play drunk baseball."

"How does a sailor remove a condom? He farts"

"Pet peeve. Toilets that flush 4 me the moment I stand. I'd like to see the work I've done before it's violently ripped from my view. #life"

"Why was the firewood punished? It was knotty."

"Why doesn't Texas float away into the Gulf of Mexico? Because Oklahoma sucks."

"""When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets."""