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Joke of the Day

"Married life - Honey, are you jealous? - Nope! - Admit it, you're jealous! - I told you, I am not! - Then give me a kiss! - GO KISS THAT UGLY-ASS WHORE WHO LIKED YOUR FACEBOOK STATUS!"

"A kid goes up to his dad with a question... ""Dad, can I ask you something?"" ""Of course."" ""You and mom are both white, but I'm black. Why?"" ""That party was so wild, it's a wonder you don't bark."""

"Phones these days are so expensive... If you fall and hear a crack, you hope you broke your leg."

"Sorry! i'm not desperate because i'm single. I'm single, because i'm not desperate."

"I'm not a liar. I have an English degree; I'm an unreliable narrator."

"I think my dog always follows me into the bathroom because I always follow her outside when she goes and she just thinks that's how it works"

"If you successfully toss a quarter 5 times through the moving blades of a ceiling fan, you are talented and stoned."

"A missing 3YO was found inside a bowling alley claw game. After many failed attempts to get him out, police just settled on the turtle doll."

"Why can't you hang out with bears? Their bad breath is un-bear-able."

"On the Titanic 0 people died from alcohol poisoning and 1,500 people died from drinking too much water. You decide which is more dangerous."